Teaching Our Children to Discern, Not Just to Say No

Catholic parenting is not simply about protecting our children from everything we question. It is about forming their hearts, minds, and consciences so they can learn to recognize what is good, true, and beautiful.

A Personal Experience with Pokémon

My experience with Pokémon was different.

My son, who is now 23, came home from school one day with Pokémon. Like many children, he was curious about what his friends were talking about and what was becoming popular.

I could have immediately said no. I could have told him it wasn't something we wanted in our home and expected him to accept my decision without further discussion.

Instead, I sat down with him.

We talked about it. We looked at it together. I asked questions, listened to his thoughts, and took the opportunity to understand what had captured his interest.

More importantly, we began a conversation about our Catholic faith and the values we were trying to live as a family. Together, we examined what he was encountering and discussed aspects that raised questions for us as Catholic parents.

It was not simply a conversation about Pokémon. It became an opportunity to teach him how to look at something critically, ask questions, and consider whether it aligned with what we believed.

That experience taught me an important lesson about parenting:

Our children need more than rules. They need formation.

My son needed me to sit beside him, not simply stand over him. He needed me to listen, explain, and help him understand why our family made those choices.

And he needed opportunities to begin developing his own ability to discern.

Looking back, I believe that was far more valuable than simply saying, “You can't have this.”

Beyond the Word “No”

Of course, parents must say no sometimes. We have a responsibility to set boundaries, protect our children, and make decisions they may not yet be mature enough to make.

But the word no, on its own, does not necessarily teach a child how to make a wise decision.

If our children only learn that something is wrong because Mom or Dad says so, what happens when Mom and Dad are no longer there to guide every decision?

Eventually, our children will leave our homes. They will encounter books, movies, games, friendships, social media, and ideas that we cannot always supervise or control.

We cannot follow them everywhere. We cannot evaluate every piece of entertainment they encounter. Nor can we shield them from every influence in the world.

But we can help prepare them to meet the world with wisdom.

We can teach them to pause before accepting something simply because it is popular. We can encourage them to ask questions, examine what they see, and consider the values being communicated.

We can help them understand that popularity does not automatically make something good, just as something unfamiliar is not automatically bad.

This is where critical thinking and Christian discernment become essential.

The goal is not simply to raise children who obey our decisions. It is to help them grow into adults who can make wise, faithful, and responsible decisions of their own.

Pokémon, Magic, and the Questions Parents Should Ask

When we begin examining popular entertainment through the lens of our Catholic faith, questions about fantasy, magic, supernatural powers, and imaginary worlds often arise.

Pokémon, for example, includes fictional creatures with extraordinary abilities, transformations, and battles. For some families, these elements may raise questions about fantasy, the use of power, and how children understand the difference between imagination and spiritual reality.

These are worthwhile conversations to have.

However, we must approach them with both faith and prudence. We should not assume that every fictional creature, imaginary power, or fantasy story is automatically harmful or equivalent to occult practice.

Instead, we need to understand what our children are encountering and consider it carefully.

What does the story communicate about power? Does the story use strength to protect others or dominate them? How does it portray courage, loyalty, friendship, and responsibility? Does the entertainment remain within an imaginative world, or does it encourage children to experiment with real-world spiritual practices that conflict with our faith?

These questions help us look beyond appearances and examine the substance of what our children watch or play.

Understanding the Catholic Church's Teaching on Magic

As Catholic parents, we must understand what our Church teaches.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraphs 2116–2117, addresses divination, sorcery, and practices that attempt to manipulate supernatural or occult powers. The Church warns against seeking supernatural power through such practices instead of trusting in God. Read the Catechism, paragraphs 2115–2117, through the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops.

This teaching deserves serious attention.

At the same time, we must distinguish between a fictional story depicting imaginary powers and a person engaging in an actual spiritual practice. These are not automatically the same thing.

For instance, a fantasy character using a fictional spell does not necessarily encourage a child to practise divination or sorcery. Context matters, as do the child's age and understanding, the content, and how the material is presented.

This distinction does not mean parents should ignore concerns about supernatural themes. Rather, it helps us approach them accurately, without exaggerating or dismissing legitimate questions.

We can explain to our children that our Catholic faith teaches us to place our trust in God, not in attempts to control hidden spiritual powers.

We can also help them understand that imagination is a gift, while real spiritual practices require thoughtful evaluation in light of our faith.

Our task is not to make children afraid of every imaginary world. It is to help them understand the difference between imagination, belief, and the choices we make in real life.

What About Anime?

Another area worth discussing is anime.

Anime is a form of animation associated with Japan, encompassing a wide range of stories, artistic styles, and audiences. It includes adventure, comedy, science fiction, historical stories, family dramas, romance, and fantasy. It isn't a single genre, nor is it intended only for children.

As Common Sense Media explains in its guide to anime and manga, these works vary widely in theme and suitability for different ages. Some suit younger audiences, while others include mature material.

This matters because we cannot responsibly evaluate every anime series by its art style, country of origin, or use of fantasy alone.

A colourful animation may contain mature themes, while another story may offer meaningful lessons about friendship, courage, perseverance, family, and sacrifice.

The same is true of Western cartoons, films, and books.

As Catholic parents, we should avoid making assumptions about an entire culture or artistic form. Instead, we should take the time to understand the particular story our child is interested in.

What is the age recommendation? What themes appear throughout the series? How are relationships portrayed? Is violence treated as entertainment without consequences? Are characters respected as persons, or are they objectified? What role do supernatural beliefs play in the story? What values are being celebrated?

These are more helpful questions than simply asking whether something is anime.

We can watch an episode with our children, review a programme before letting younger children watch it, or look up reliable parental content guides. We can also invite our children to explain what they enjoy about a particular character or storyline.

That conversation may reveal something important about their interests, friendships, hopes, or struggles.

It also gives us a chance to guide them without dismissing something they genuinely enjoy.

When Fantasy Raises Deeper Questions

Some anime series include witches, spirits, demons, curses, rituals, or supernatural battles. Others focus on ordinary relationships, school life, humour, or adventure.

When a story includes spiritual themes that concern us, we should examine them rather than assume all stories present the same ideas.

We might ask our children:

“What do you think this character believes?”

“Is the story asking us to admire something, or is it simply showing us something imaginary?”

“How does this compare with what we believe as Christians?”

“Does the story encourage us to trust in God, or does it present power as something we should seek to control others?”

“Are there ideas here that we should discuss further?”

These conversations matter most when children are old enough to begin exploring spiritual questions but not yet equipped to evaluate every message independently.

We can acknowledge that a story is fictional while still discussing the beliefs and values it presents.

We can also establish boundaries when a programme is inappropriate for a child's age or conflicts with our family's convictions.

Christian discernment means neither accepting everything uncritically nor automatically rejecting everything. It means examining what is before us in the light of truth.

What Does It Mean to Discern?

For Catholic parents, discernment is more than deciding whether we like something or whether it makes us uncomfortable.

It means examining our choices in the light of our faith, our conscience, and the teachings of Christ.

It means asking what something communicates, what it encourages us to desire, and how it shapes how we see ourselves, other people, and the world.

When we encounter a new game, movie, book, or cultural trend, we can help our children ask questions such as:

• Is it true? Does it reflect reality honestly, or does it distort what is good and right?

• Is it good? Does it encourage kindness, courage, responsibility, and respect for others?

• Is it beautiful? What does it teach me to admire? Does it help me recognize genuine goodness and beauty?

• What does it celebrate? What behaviours, attitudes, or desires does it present as admirable?

• How does it make me feel, or what does it make me desire? Does it encourage me to become more loving and thoughtful, or does it feed unhealthy curiosity, fear, pride, or aggression?

• Does it align with our faith? How does it compare with the values we are learning from Jesus?

• What kind of person am I becoming? Is this helping me grow in virtue, or is it shaping my thoughts and habits in ways I should reconsider?

These questions aren't meant to turn every family conversation into an interrogation or make children afraid of everything they encounter.

They are tools for growth.

They work best when we ask them alongside our children, with patience and openness, rather than using them merely to prove we are right.

We want our children to learn how to think, not simply what to think.

Discernment Is Not Fear

Sometimes, Catholic parenting can be misunderstood as a constant effort to say no to the world.

But I do not believe faithful parenting means raising children who fear the world.

It is about raising children who know how to live faithfully within it.

Our faith is not meant to make us suspicious of everything around us. It invites us to seek truth, recognize goodness, appreciate beauty, and approach others with charity.

Discernment requires both conviction and humility. It asks us to know what we believe while remaining willing to examine things thoughtfully and fairly.

It also requires us, as parents, to recognize that not every question has an immediate or obvious answer. Sometimes we need to investigate something further. Sometimes we need to reconsider our first impressions. Sometimes we need to tell our children we don't know enough yet to judge.

There is nothing wrong with saying, “Let's look at this together and find out.”

In fact, those moments can teach humility and intellectual honesty.

We are not expected to know everything. We are called to guide our children toward wisdom, helping them develop a conscience that is informed by truth and shaped by love.

The Gift of a Child's Imagination

Children have extraordinary imaginations.

A cardboard box becomes a castle. A blanket becomes a cape. A stick becomes a sword. A backyard becomes an enchanted forest.

Their creativity can transform the simplest things into wonderful adventures.

This is a beautiful gift, and it is worth protecting.

As parents, we can sometimes become so concerned about what our children watch, play, or collect that we forget the positive opportunities we can offer instead.

We do not need to fill every moment of their lives with commercial characters, digital entertainment, and constant stimulation.

Sometimes children need space to create their own worlds.

A book. A walk in the woods. A conversation around the dinner table. Paper and crayons. A story told at bedtime. A visit to a museum. An afternoon in nature. A family adventure. A moment of prayer or silence.

These simple experiences help children develop curiosity, creativity, patience, and wonder.

Of course, enjoying a game or a fictional character does not automatically harm a child's imagination. What matters is the bigger picture: the content our children encounter, how much time they spend with it, the habits they develop, and the other experiences that shape their lives.

The question is not whether we can eliminate every outside influence. It is whether we are creating a home where imagination, meaningful relationships, faith, and genuine wonder have room to flourish.

Sometimes, the richest imagination grows in the spaces we leave empty.

Parents as Guides, Not Just Gatekeepers

One of parenting's most important responsibilities is helping our children develop the ability to make good choices when we are not there to make them for them.

This requires more than setting boundaries. It requires conversation, example, patience, and trust.

When our children bring something home that raises questions for us, we can use the moment as an opportunity for formation.

Instead of reacting immediately, we might begin by asking:

“What do you like about this?”

“What do you know about it?”

“What do you think it is teaching you?”

“How does it make you feel?”

“Is there anything about it that you find confusing or troubling?”

“What do you think Jesus would want us to consider?”

These questions invite children to think rather than defend what they enjoy.

They also help parents better understand what is happening in their children's minds and hearts.

After listening, we can explain our concerns clearly and lovingly. If we decide something isn't appropriate for our family, we can set that boundary while helping our children understand why.

Sometimes the answer will be no. Sometimes it will be yes, with appropriate limits. Sometimes we may decide to learn more before deciding.

What matters is that our children experience guidance as an expression of love, not merely as the exercise of authority.

Our role is not to approve everything our children encounter. Our role is to help them learn to evaluate it wisely.

And we must remember that our example often speaks louder than our explanations. Children learn discernment by watching how we choose our own entertainment, use our time, respond to cultural trends, and treat people who disagree with us.

We cannot ask our children to think critically if we refuse to examine our own habits.

What Are We Planting?

This is perhaps the most important question I want to leave with parents.

I am not suggesting that every Catholic family will make the same choices about entertainment. Families have different circumstances, and parents must exercise their own prudence in guiding their children.

But I encourage every parent to pause before automatically accepting something simply because it has become popular.

Ask yourself:

What is this planting in my child's imagination?

What are they learning to admire?

What are they learning to laugh about?

What are they learning to desire?

What are they learning about good and evil?

What are they learning about power, relationships, courage, and responsibility?

And perhaps most importantly:

What is becoming beautiful in their eyes?

These questions matter because our children are not simply consuming entertainment. They are also learning, forming habits, developing preferences, and discovering what they consider normal or desirable.

Not every influence shapes them the same way, and no single game, book, or movie determines who a child becomes. But the patterns we establish at home, the conversations we have, and the values we consistently model all contribute to their formation.

That is why I believe discernment isn't about taking joy away from childhood.

It is about helping our children discover a deeper kind of freedom: the freedom to recognize what is good, to question what deserves questioning, to resist pressure when necessary, and to choose what helps them grow into the people God created them to be.

A Final Reflection for Catholic Parents

When I think back to the moment my son came home with Pokémon, I remember that some of our most important parenting opportunities arrive in ordinary ways.

We do not always need a formal lesson, a long speech, or a perfectly prepared answer.

Sometimes we need to sit beside our children or go for a drive.

To listen.

To ask questions.

To explain what we believe.

To pray for wisdom.

And to walk with them as they learn to recognize truth and goodness for themselves.

Our children will encounter many things we would never have chosen for them. We cannot control every influence, but we can equip them with the faith, knowledge, and wisdom to respond thoughtfully.

We can teach them that following Christ is not simply about avoiding what is wrong. It is also about actively choosing what is good, loving what is true, and learning to recognize the beauty of God's creation.

That is discernment's deeper purpose.

And it is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.

As Scripture reminds us:

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

— Proverbs 4:23

A Question for You: Join the Conversation!

How do you approach difficult conversations about entertainment and popular culture in your family?

Have you ever found that a moment of curiosity became an opportunity to teach your child something deeper about faith, values, or making good choices?

Let's join the conversation! 

Share your experiences, reflections, and insights in the comments below. Your story may encourage another parent who is navigating similar questions and seeking to raise children with faith, wisdom, and discernment.

Together, let's encourage one another in the beautiful and challenging vocation of raising children in the faith.

In the next part of this series, I will explore the entertainment culture surrounding our children today, including Harry Potter, anime, collecting, violence, and desensitization, and consider how repeated exposure can shape how children understand the world.

The question is not simply, “Is this appropriate?”

It is also, “How can I help my child understand what they are encountering and discern what is good?”

Further Reading and Resources

For parents who would like to explore these questions more deeply, the following resources offer a starting point:

1. The Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraphs 2115–2117: The Church's teaching on divination, magic, and sorcery. Read online through the USCCB.

2. Common Sense Media — What Should I Know About Anime and Manga? An overview of the different genres, audiences, and content parents may encounter. Read the guide.

3. Common Sense Media — How We Rate and Review: An explanation of how media reviews consider age suitability, violence, frightening content, sexual content, and other factors. Read the methodology.

These resources can help parents gather information, but they do not replace personal parental judgment, prayer, or the guidance of a trusted priest or qualified Catholic formation leader when questions about faith and spiritual practices arise.

 Disclaimer: The image accompanying this blog post was created with the assistance of ChatGPT AI.